Time, Strangeness And Oblivion

So it’s the end of yet another month (literally in 40 minutes) and I can’t believe just how far away the beginning of this year seems, despite only really being 8 weeks ago. That lovely time of feasting and general debauchery that is Christmas feels like a distant memory and… I don’t really know where I’m going with this… Something to do with how weird the concept of time is and the duality of it’s passing, hours seemingly drag on for an eternity yet days pass in the blink of an eye. A month feels like it’s over before it’s really began yet the start of the year seems so long ago… I think I’m losing my mind… Sometimes I feel my old self destructive nature trying to reassert itself, I like to think that person is not me anymore but he’s never really far from the surface, always shouting and raging against his cage like some horrific beast… I crave the oblivion found at the bottom of a bottle. (So now it’s more like 10)

Dapper Gentleman

It has come to my attention that I simply can not dress smartly. I recently had reason to wear some of my smartest clothes, believe it or not I do actually quite like to dress up and look smart. My shirt was ironed, my shoes were polished, my trousers crisply pressed, my tie was well matched and stylish and my jacket was pristine. I even tied back my long locks and neatly trimmed my manly beard, both were lightly oiled to minimise fly aways and to give them a gentle sheen and pleasant fragrance. Just before leaving the house I went upstairs to check how I looked and make sure everything worked fairly well together, I am well known for a general lack of coordination. As I stood and looked in the mirror it dawned on me that rather than looking smart and sophisticated I actually looked threatening, the smart clothes seemed to accentuate my formidable frame and general bulk and my neatly trimmed beard and tied back hair gave me an air of seriousness that my normal, slightly scruffy, appearance lacks. The overall effect was quite striking and left me with the impression of myself as being a somewhat scary individual, I certainly looked like the type of person who has been sent to break your legs and would have no qualms about shooting you rather than the slightly gloomy, clownish, manchild I actually am.

Just a note that I tend to spend more time and, for anyone interested, am more active on my Tumblr. (savagelyrefined.tumblr.com) The vast majority of my posts on here are just duplicates of my Tumblr posts anyway.

Sleepless

Midnight is swiftly approaching on yet another day and once again I find myself suffering from a lack of sleep. As I sit here on my bed, wrapped in my duvet, nursing a mug of hot tea and munching on a slightly over ripe apple, I find myself drawn, increasingly, into the mood of the music I am listening to. It is my experience that listening to something slow, melodic and a little doomy has a calming effect on my mind and as such is often a viable precursor to sleep, I’m currently listening to a selection of the slower Acid Bath tracks, however, far from calming my mind it has led me down into state of apathy and a mild melancholy… I fear I may be in for a long night.