It has come to my attention that I simply can not dress smartly. I recently had reason to wear some of my smartest clothes, believe it or not I do actually quite like to dress up and look smart. My shirt was ironed, my shoes were polished, my trousers crisply pressed, my tie was well matched and stylish and my jacket was pristine. I even tied back my long locks and neatly trimmed my manly beard, both were lightly oiled to minimise fly aways and to give them a gentle sheen and pleasant fragrance. Just before leaving the house I went upstairs to check how I looked and make sure everything worked fairly well together, I am well known for a general lack of coordination. As I stood and looked in the mirror it dawned on me that rather than looking smart and sophisticated I actually looked threatening, the smart clothes seemed to accentuate my formidable frame and general bulk and my neatly trimmed beard and tied back hair gave me an air of seriousness that my normal, slightly scruffy, appearance lacks. The overall effect was quite striking and left me with the impression of myself as being a somewhat scary individual, I certainly looked like the type of person who has been sent to break your legs and would have no qualms about shooting you rather than the slightly gloomy, clownish, manchild I actually am.
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