Sleepless

Midnight is swiftly approaching on yet another day and once again I find myself suffering from a lack of sleep. As I sit here on my bed, wrapped in my duvet, nursing a mug of hot tea and munching on a slightly over ripe apple, I find myself drawn, increasingly, into the mood of the music I am listening to. It is my experience that listening to something slow, melodic and a little doomy has a calming effect on my mind and as such is often a viable precursor to sleep, I’m currently listening to a selection of the slower Acid Bath tracks, however, far from calming my mind it has led me down into state of apathy and a mild melancholy… I fear I may be in for a long night.

Life, Family & Change

So Christmas is over and the new year is still a couple of days away, its a time of reflection and of anticipation.

A lot has changed for me over the last 12 months, largely for the better. I have a house I share with my partner, thanks to family, friends and charity shops it is fully furnished and a really great place to be. I have a job that enables me to pay my share, something very important to me. I have an extended family who are really great people and it makes me happy to be around them.

Life for me is currently in a good place, I have a lot to be thankful for and I am extremely grateful for the things I've got. But that doesn't mean I wont be looking to change things in the coming year, the only way to get what you want is to go out and work to get it.

Being A Man - My Views On Manliness

If I start talking about being a man and the term manliness many people will instantly assume that I’m being chauvinistic or sexist, however if I was female and I started to talk about being a women and the term femininity then no such assumption would be made. The fact that a man talking about what it means to be manly can be construed as being sexist is, in my eyes, blatant sexism.
I am a man and I consider it to be important for men to be manly. Manlyness to me is the ability to be self reliant, by that I mean to have the basic skills required to provide, for yourself, a reasonable standard of living. A man should have a willingness to work and a drive to be the best he possibly can be at what he is doing. A man should have the knowledge and ability to prepare and cook a variety of meals to a standard high enough to provide more than just sustenance, he should have an understanding of the science of cooking and how flavours work together. A mans home should be clean and well maintained, without appearing overly clinical, it is important for a man to have order in his life whilst being comfortable in his own surroundings. A man should be happy with his own company and should never rely on the continued presence of others. He should, however, also be working to maintain healthy relationships with his friends and family as these are often of vital importance in the pursuit of happiness. Most of all a man must always be responsible fot his own actions, no matter what situation he finds himself in.

Creeping Ever Closer

I'm blogging from my bed and I love it. It's getting towards the end of November, winter is starting to set in, the end of another year is creeping ever closer and Christmas is nearly upon us.
Believe it or not Christmas is my favourite time of the year, not because of the gifts and certainly not because of it's religious connotations, although in reality Christmas has little to do with Christianity and is infact a much earlier pagan festival which has merely been renamed. Christmas is my favourite time of the year because of the general feeling of togetherness it brings about, even my dysfunctional mess of relatives feels like a family over Christmas.

Frustration

Don't you just hate it when you feel that you want to do something but when you sit down to try and actually do it you just can't? I've been like that about blogging and writing in general. Both are something I really enjoy doing, both give me sense of fulfilment and pleasure, however, every time I get myself set up and sit down to write nothing comes, my mind blanks out and whatever idea I had that made me feel like writing something in the first place is gone. I guess you could call it a writers block, but I'm not really a writer, I just do it for my own pleasure, most of the time I'm fully aware that no one is ever going to read what I've written, in some cases it wont even get published to one of my blogs nevermind make it to any actual physical presence. what I'm really getting at is I know there is things I want to say and I know I've got good ideas that I want to get written down but for a reason currently beyond my understanding I can't and I'm finding it extremely frustrating.

Birthday Blues

It’s my birthday in a few days and I’m really not looking forward to it, I’ll be 29 this year and I don’t really need a reminder that I’ve basically not done anything of value in over 10 years. I’ve watched most of the people I know go off and carve themselves a little slice of life, work their way up in their world and actually achieve something. I’ve worked hard and I’ve worked long hours, I’ve done every job to the best of my abilities and I’ve done well at every job, yet I’ve never found that niche, I’ve never moved up, I’ve just ended up drifting from one dead end job to another, to another and so on.
Despite all that, the reason I’m dreading my birthday is because it’s also the anniversary of the deaths of my 2 grandads. My birthday isn’t a celebration of my life it’s a day of lamenting the loss of two very important and much missed people.
People have been asking me for weeks what I would like for my birthday, what I’d like to do and if I’d like a gift. All I’ve been able to tell them, usually much to their annoyance, is that there isn’t anything I want and there’s nothing I really need. However that is not really true, there is something I would love for my birthday and that is to spend a day on my own, away from everyone and everything, somewhere out in the country with nothing around me but tree’s and plants, with a dull sky over head. I want to be able to sit out in the greyness and the drizzle and wallow in my own funk, delve deep into my bleak mood and just let it pervade me, thinking of nothing more than myself and my mood. Self indulgent depression and misery, nothing more, nothing less.

There was so much more I wanted to say but I just don’t have the drive for it.

Classic Weekend

Well it’s Sunday night, that means another week has passed and another Monday morning is about to arrive, much to my own displeasure. In all honesty today has been a particularly good day, it’s been a good weekend in general, despite the weather. Saturday passed pretty much as expected, I lay in bed late with my lady, I cooked a typical weekend breakfast of sausage and bacon, we did a bit of shopping, I chilled with a bit of Skyrim, cooked dinner and then kicked back with my lady, a few beers and some filmage. The way I see it a day spent relaxing is never a day wasted, infact I’m certain that it’s a necessity, I know for a fact that I’d go completely crazy without regular chilled days.

Today started unusually early for a weekend and then continued in an usual manor in that instead of taking a risk, and heading out to Stamford for a big VW meet, we played it safe and stayed local going to a small classic car show with a few other members of our VW club. It actually turned out to be an excellent choice, we parked up with the rest of the club and then wandered round to investigate. There was easily 200 other cars there of all different shapes and sizes, it was amazing to just wander round and get a close up look at other people’s pride and joy. I loved it, it had a chilled out, friendly atmosphere and my partner, myself and Bertie, our 66 beetle, fitted right in. We originally intended on only spending a while at the show but ended up spending the whole morning there. After we’d finished at the show we took a run up to the Midland Designer Outlet and chilled out with my partner’s parents in Starbucks before wandering off to the book shop to browse their collection of comics.

I feel like I’ve made the most of this weekend and I’m sure next weekend will be even better as we’re planning on running up to Whitby for a weekend by the sea in our favorite sea side spot. I’m going to need next weekend more than ever, all week I’ll be starting an hour early and working an hour longer, which is going to be a total nightmare.

Drudgery

Again, it’s been a couple of weeks since my last post on here, it seems that I am at least consistent with my inconsistency. In all fairness I don’t really have a lot to say, I could talk about the new Skyrim DLC, Dawnguard, but everything there is to say has been said a thousand times over in the, almost, 24 hours since its release. I could talk about my life in general, however nothing has really changed I’m still struggling to find work or even find someone interested enough in me to offer an interview. My kitten is still a complete turd and constantly reaffirming my views on cats as pets. My current job is still getting me down, though work is so busy as of late that I seldom have the opportunity to dwell on it. The weather, birds and cats are all conspiring against me and any attempts I make to tidy my garden at home… All in all it’s just a case of “Same shit different day”.

Contrary to popular belief, and the vast majority of my posts, I am actually capable of some degree of positivity. I am currently excited for this weekends VW show at Stamford Hall, it’s my favourite one of the year and has already been postponed once, so fingers crossed. I am also looking forward to my summer holidays for this year, they’re booked off and we’re booked in at my partners Grandparents house in Scotland where we fully intend on spending some time exploring, adventuring and generally having a good time.

With all that said and done I shall bid you all a good night.

Avengers Assemble!!!

Well I’ve finally decided to write about the avengers movie, I saw it exactly a week ago, the fact that it’s taken me this long to decide to write about it says a lot for the current state of my mind. To begin with I want to clarify that I am a bit of a comic book/super hero geek, which has the double edged sword of making me overly excited about anything super hero related, but also over critical. The movie is awesome, pure and simple, I advise anyone who enjoys being entertained to get down to their nearest cinema and see it, support your local cinema, seriously it’s well worth it and the whole cinema experience just makes it all the more pleasurable (ignoring the ridiculously over priced popcorn, drinks etc.). This film takes a different route to the current Marvel crop, it doesn’t try and take itself overly seriously, it’s not trying to be dark, it’s not trying to be intense. Instead it’s exactly what a comic book film should be, it’s an excuse to act like a 12 year old kid again, it gives you the buzz you used to get when you got home from the toy shop and destroyed the box of that new action figure you’d been saving up for. This is a fun film to see, from start to finish you’re entertained, The action sequences are incredible, they have really thought about how these characters can work together and it shows, not only in the action but in the humour and the drama. The film itself is well written and well balanced, never focusing too much on one particular aspect and enhancing the story because of this. This film is what the cinema experience is all about and why we should support our local cinema when ever possible.

Good Day?

You know its not going to be a good day when it starts off with something thats only two days old self destructing the very first time you use it, not only that but actually within the first minute of you using it. It’s only later, when you realise it was the high point of your day, that just how bad your day has actually been becomes apparent. Thankfully the day is almost over and tomorrow is still new, fresh and full of promise, fingers crossed, g’night folks.