Life, Family & Change

So Christmas is over and the new year is still a couple of days away, its a time of reflection and of anticipation.

A lot has changed for me over the last 12 months, largely for the better. I have a house I share with my partner, thanks to family, friends and charity shops it is fully furnished and a really great place to be. I have a job that enables me to pay my share, something very important to me. I have an extended family who are really great people and it makes me happy to be around them.

Life for me is currently in a good place, I have a lot to be thankful for and I am extremely grateful for the things I've got. But that doesn't mean I wont be looking to change things in the coming year, the only way to get what you want is to go out and work to get it.

Being A Man - My Views On Manliness

If I start talking about being a man and the term manliness many people will instantly assume that I’m being chauvinistic or sexist, however if I was female and I started to talk about being a women and the term femininity then no such assumption would be made. The fact that a man talking about what it means to be manly can be construed as being sexist is, in my eyes, blatant sexism.
I am a man and I consider it to be important for men to be manly. Manlyness to me is the ability to be self reliant, by that I mean to have the basic skills required to provide, for yourself, a reasonable standard of living. A man should have a willingness to work and a drive to be the best he possibly can be at what he is doing. A man should have the knowledge and ability to prepare and cook a variety of meals to a standard high enough to provide more than just sustenance, he should have an understanding of the science of cooking and how flavours work together. A mans home should be clean and well maintained, without appearing overly clinical, it is important for a man to have order in his life whilst being comfortable in his own surroundings. A man should be happy with his own company and should never rely on the continued presence of others. He should, however, also be working to maintain healthy relationships with his friends and family as these are often of vital importance in the pursuit of happiness. Most of all a man must always be responsible fot his own actions, no matter what situation he finds himself in.

Creeping Ever Closer

I'm blogging from my bed and I love it. It's getting towards the end of November, winter is starting to set in, the end of another year is creeping ever closer and Christmas is nearly upon us.
Believe it or not Christmas is my favourite time of the year, not because of the gifts and certainly not because of it's religious connotations, although in reality Christmas has little to do with Christianity and is infact a much earlier pagan festival which has merely been renamed. Christmas is my favourite time of the year because of the general feeling of togetherness it brings about, even my dysfunctional mess of relatives feels like a family over Christmas.

Frustration

Don't you just hate it when you feel that you want to do something but when you sit down to try and actually do it you just can't? I've been like that about blogging and writing in general. Both are something I really enjoy doing, both give me sense of fulfilment and pleasure, however, every time I get myself set up and sit down to write nothing comes, my mind blanks out and whatever idea I had that made me feel like writing something in the first place is gone. I guess you could call it a writers block, but I'm not really a writer, I just do it for my own pleasure, most of the time I'm fully aware that no one is ever going to read what I've written, in some cases it wont even get published to one of my blogs nevermind make it to any actual physical presence. what I'm really getting at is I know there is things I want to say and I know I've got good ideas that I want to get written down but for a reason currently beyond my understanding I can't and I'm finding it extremely frustrating.

Birthday Blues

It’s my birthday in a few days and I’m really not looking forward to it, I’ll be 29 this year and I don’t really need a reminder that I’ve basically not done anything of value in over 10 years. I’ve watched most of the people I know go off and carve themselves a little slice of life, work their way up in their world and actually achieve something. I’ve worked hard and I’ve worked long hours, I’ve done every job to the best of my abilities and I’ve done well at every job, yet I’ve never found that niche, I’ve never moved up, I’ve just ended up drifting from one dead end job to another, to another and so on.
Despite all that, the reason I’m dreading my birthday is because it’s also the anniversary of the deaths of my 2 grandads. My birthday isn’t a celebration of my life it’s a day of lamenting the loss of two very important and much missed people.
People have been asking me for weeks what I would like for my birthday, what I’d like to do and if I’d like a gift. All I’ve been able to tell them, usually much to their annoyance, is that there isn’t anything I want and there’s nothing I really need. However that is not really true, there is something I would love for my birthday and that is to spend a day on my own, away from everyone and everything, somewhere out in the country with nothing around me but tree’s and plants, with a dull sky over head. I want to be able to sit out in the greyness and the drizzle and wallow in my own funk, delve deep into my bleak mood and just let it pervade me, thinking of nothing more than myself and my mood. Self indulgent depression and misery, nothing more, nothing less.

There was so much more I wanted to say but I just don’t have the drive for it.

Classic Weekend

Well it’s Sunday night, that means another week has passed and another Monday morning is about to arrive, much to my own displeasure. In all honesty today has been a particularly good day, it’s been a good weekend in general, despite the weather. Saturday passed pretty much as expected, I lay in bed late with my lady, I cooked a typical weekend breakfast of sausage and bacon, we did a bit of shopping, I chilled with a bit of Skyrim, cooked dinner and then kicked back with my lady, a few beers and some filmage. The way I see it a day spent relaxing is never a day wasted, infact I’m certain that it’s a necessity, I know for a fact that I’d go completely crazy without regular chilled days.

Today started unusually early for a weekend and then continued in an usual manor in that instead of taking a risk, and heading out to Stamford for a big VW meet, we played it safe and stayed local going to a small classic car show with a few other members of our VW club. It actually turned out to be an excellent choice, we parked up with the rest of the club and then wandered round to investigate. There was easily 200 other cars there of all different shapes and sizes, it was amazing to just wander round and get a close up look at other people’s pride and joy. I loved it, it had a chilled out, friendly atmosphere and my partner, myself and Bertie, our 66 beetle, fitted right in. We originally intended on only spending a while at the show but ended up spending the whole morning there. After we’d finished at the show we took a run up to the Midland Designer Outlet and chilled out with my partner’s parents in Starbucks before wandering off to the book shop to browse their collection of comics.

I feel like I’ve made the most of this weekend and I’m sure next weekend will be even better as we’re planning on running up to Whitby for a weekend by the sea in our favorite sea side spot. I’m going to need next weekend more than ever, all week I’ll be starting an hour early and working an hour longer, which is going to be a total nightmare.

Drudgery

Again, it’s been a couple of weeks since my last post on here, it seems that I am at least consistent with my inconsistency. In all fairness I don’t really have a lot to say, I could talk about the new Skyrim DLC, Dawnguard, but everything there is to say has been said a thousand times over in the, almost, 24 hours since its release. I could talk about my life in general, however nothing has really changed I’m still struggling to find work or even find someone interested enough in me to offer an interview. My kitten is still a complete turd and constantly reaffirming my views on cats as pets. My current job is still getting me down, though work is so busy as of late that I seldom have the opportunity to dwell on it. The weather, birds and cats are all conspiring against me and any attempts I make to tidy my garden at home… All in all it’s just a case of “Same shit different day”.

Contrary to popular belief, and the vast majority of my posts, I am actually capable of some degree of positivity. I am currently excited for this weekends VW show at Stamford Hall, it’s my favourite one of the year and has already been postponed once, so fingers crossed. I am also looking forward to my summer holidays for this year, they’re booked off and we’re booked in at my partners Grandparents house in Scotland where we fully intend on spending some time exploring, adventuring and generally having a good time.

With all that said and done I shall bid you all a good night.

Avengers Assemble!!!

Well I’ve finally decided to write about the avengers movie, I saw it exactly a week ago, the fact that it’s taken me this long to decide to write about it says a lot for the current state of my mind. To begin with I want to clarify that I am a bit of a comic book/super hero geek, which has the double edged sword of making me overly excited about anything super hero related, but also over critical. The movie is awesome, pure and simple, I advise anyone who enjoys being entertained to get down to their nearest cinema and see it, support your local cinema, seriously it’s well worth it and the whole cinema experience just makes it all the more pleasurable (ignoring the ridiculously over priced popcorn, drinks etc.). This film takes a different route to the current Marvel crop, it doesn’t try and take itself overly seriously, it’s not trying to be dark, it’s not trying to be intense. Instead it’s exactly what a comic book film should be, it’s an excuse to act like a 12 year old kid again, it gives you the buzz you used to get when you got home from the toy shop and destroyed the box of that new action figure you’d been saving up for. This is a fun film to see, from start to finish you’re entertained, The action sequences are incredible, they have really thought about how these characters can work together and it shows, not only in the action but in the humour and the drama. The film itself is well written and well balanced, never focusing too much on one particular aspect and enhancing the story because of this. This film is what the cinema experience is all about and why we should support our local cinema when ever possible.

Good Day?

You know its not going to be a good day when it starts off with something thats only two days old self destructing the very first time you use it, not only that but actually within the first minute of you using it. It’s only later, when you realise it was the high point of your day, that just how bad your day has actually been becomes apparent. Thankfully the day is almost over and tomorrow is still new, fresh and full of promise, fingers crossed, g’night folks.

Dreamer? Fool? Writer?

Once again I appear to be going through a slump where I feel as if I have nothing to say that is actually worth sharing, although in all fairness nothing I ever have to say is actually worth sharing, but that does not stop me from sharing it. When I look back at the last 20 odd years of my life one of the few things that has remained a constant within myself is my desire to be a writer. Essentially ever since I have been able to read, with any degree of skill, I have coveted and wanted for myself the ability to take what is on my mind/in my imagination, whether fact or fiction, and put that onto paper in an accurate and compelling manor. I am aware that, to a certain degree, I do actually possess this ability, however I also know that whatever level of ability I do possess is no more, or no less, than that of the vast majority of people. Unlike the vast majority I have actually had some of my writings puplished, although admittedly only in an anthology of short stories and poems by amateur writers and then I wasn’t even paid for my efforts. One of my stories and a short poem I wrote as a teenager were included as the prize in a competition I entered in my early twenties. Unfortunately since that time I have found that my ability to transfer what I see in my minds eye in to words and on to paper has waned somewhat and with that I find myself writing less and less, what I do write I no longer find enjoyable to read. I am not entirely sure whether this is because I continue to write as I did as a teenager but my tastes in literature and what I chose to read have matured or what I write now is no longer as compelling or interesting as it was when I was younger. The only thing I can be sure about is that I still wish to be a writer, but the older I get the more this seems like a dream and the less likely it is to actually happen. Anyway my friends with that said I shall bid you all a fond good night…

Random Rant

People assume that because I have an interest in and feel an affinity towards Norse mythology, the stories, the symbolism and artifacts relating to Norse mythology that I practice a pagan religion. I can't say that I get offended by this because I don't, I feel that we are all entitled to our own beliefs, no matter what they are. I also believe, however, that those beliefs are a private thing and should not be forced upon the general population in any way, shape or form.

I understand that certain religions require certain things from there practitioners, but I feel that religion should not take priority over the laws and policies of the land, nore should those laws and policies be written, affected by or adjusted to suit any religious point of view, not matter which religion that be. If one person can't wear something that obscures their facial features then no one can, if one person is not allowed to wear jewellery the no one can, if one person can't carry a weapon then no one can. There should never be a situation where it is one rule for one person and another rule for someone else. Everyone is equal, everyone is entitled to the same rights and everyone should be subject to the same laws and the same rules and the same policies regardless of beliefs, skins colour, sex, age or background.

Drained Directly From My Brain

I am thoroughly knackered, I shouldn't really be because it's only Monday night and I have just had a whole weekend to relax and recharge. It's odd how work can just knock the inspiration and creativity right out of you, this morning as I was getting myself ready to leave the house I had going through my mind a few ideas for posts I'd like to include on here, nothing spectacular, just a few sketches I wanted to scan in, some articles regarding my obsession with beards, some lyrics that I wrote and a few photos of my collection of figures that I wanted to share. However by the time I got home the majority of my idea's had already faded into a dull haze and what little there was left I'd lost my passion for. So here I am lying in bed, big mug of tea, some gentle tunage playing in the background, trying to grasp the remnants of how I felt and what I was planning this morning in order to at least attempt to make a semi interesting post... Unfortunately I am failing epically at it and this is more or less all I can come up with. Well I shall say goodnight before I get even more disappointed with myself... Sleep well

Jobs, Joblessness And Annoyance.

I had completely forgotten exactly how much I hate trawling job sites, job pages etc. It's one of the few activities that, even when you're actually being fairly productive, feels like you're completely wasting your time. Once you've found those few precious advertisements worth replying too, after hours of searching, you write out your tailored application letters and fill in countless application forms then, full of hope, send them out only to end up with a mass reply that essentially says "thanks but no thanks", that is assuming they even bother to reply to you at all. Quite frankly I find the whole activity completely and utterly depressing, there's nothing more sapping to your confidence than applying for a job you know you could do easily only for that application to be completely ignored, if it is even read at all.  I am starting to feel somewhat saddened and dejected just writting about it, so on that note I shall bid you a good night.

My.....

So my girlfriend tells me I'm the unhappiest man in the world, I'm not convinced it's true, I think I'm just very even mooded. She insists that I always see the worst in everything and everyone, but I say I'm just realistic and I don't like to get my hopes up.

My mother insists that I'm crazy, that I should be on medication. I say medication is for people that are ill, not for people who're happy to accept that things are beyond their control and allow themselves to go with the flow, whether that flow goes with or against to norm. My mother thinks she know's whats best for me, I don't think she even knows who I am so how could she have any concept of what's wrong or right?

People say that I need to "grow up", that a man of 28 shouldn't collect figures and comics or play video games. I think that being my own man, living my own way, having my own house and sharing it all with my partner makes me qualified to judge what's "grown up" and what isn't, not that I really want to "grow up", who actually wants to be an adult if they can help it?

Drivel

Once again it's late at night and once again sleep eludes me, so, as is becoming customary, I turn to the vast facelessness of the internet and to posting my inane drivel on my pointless blogs... Oddly I find that it helps, even though I know that I have a following of only 1 person, that person being myself. I find it a comfort to just be able to say what's on my mind and that, if they care to look, it is available for like minded indivuals to share and hopefully take some pleasure in the sharing of my trivial thoughts and feelings.

I am completely aware that anything I have to say is of no great value. In all honesty almost everything I chose to share actually gives no real insight into the type of person that I am or how I chose to live my life. Now I'm not scared of people knowing me, far from it infact, I just know myself and I know that I am not a person that would ever hold much interest for the general population or, in fact, almost anyone at all. As such I make the choice to share just the barest of information with the world and to share it in places that it will, almost certainly, go unnoticed and not cared about.

I am, the self styled, Dani Grim, I am "The Refined Savage". A man born out of time and out of sync with the world around him. A walking contradiction, entirely uncouth with little concept of social decency or protocal, yet  extremly sensitive, gentle and emotional. A giant of a man to which brute force and physicality comes entirely naturally, yet, would rather spend his time shut away from the world reading one of a vast collection of books, writing or gently strumming his acoustic guitar. I will not understand you and you can not understand me, however, it can't hurt to try... Goodnight

TFIF - Thank Fuck It's Friday

It's almost Friday, thank the gods, it's been a long week and I am glad the weekend is almost upon us. Not that I've got a lot planned for the weekend, and what I do have planned revolves largely around decorating and continuing to get our house in order. We've been in for more or less a month now and things are getting towards where we want them to be, obviously it'll be months, maybe even years, before the house and gardens are exactly how we want them but things like that are always a work in progress. We're hoping to actually move into our bedroom this weekend, we've currently been living in, what will become, the spare room while we get the living and master bedroom cleared out and redecorated. I say 'we' I mostly mean Kelly, I am still only at the house over the weekends due to my job being too far away for me to realistically commute. I am in the process of finding a new job closer to home but unfortunately in the current climate that's something that is easier said than done. Well I don't really have a whole heap to write about on here (see prior work related rants, I really don't feel like rehashing it right now), I just really wanted to leave an update and seeing as it is actually Friday now it seems like a good time to sign off... Night all.

The Woman In Black

Me and my girlfriend didn't do anything on Valentines, mostly due to me being at work. We did, however, decide that we would make Wednesday night our date night. So Wednesday came around and we went out to see a film, after some debate we chose to see The Woman In Black. This film is excellent and by a classic name like Hammer you would expect it to be so, it's well written, well directed and, for the most part, well acted. It's rated 12 so there's no use of modern gore shocks or over the top violence, in fact nearly all the scares come from the general atmosphere of the film, which really pulls you into the story, keeps you focused and then when you're right there "boom" it gets you, it even succeeded in making me jump on several occasions, not an easy feat.

Now don't get me wrong I really enjoyed this film and, as you can see from the previous paragraph, I rate it highly, but it is far from perfect and by far the worst thing in the film is, unfortunately, Daniel Radcliffe. I really wanted to like him, I grew up with Harry Potter and have very fond memories of the films, but in this his acting was just out of place, out of time and, quite frankly, wooden. He was completely unbelievable in this role and right from the start I felt he was out of place and let the film down. He never really did anything wrong, he just stuck out like a sore thumb. My second, and pretty much only other, major gripe with the film is the last 15 minutes or so, it just seemed completely disconnected from the rest of the film and the explanations present throughout the rest of story seemed to be completely lacking in the last final portion. The story wasn't really wrapped up, it wasn't really left open either, it just kind of ran out. I felt as if the ending was just an after thought, rushed almost and after such a refreshing and enjoyable film I came away feeling slightly disappointed.

Unfortunately I have noticed that it is a common issue with recent films, for the last few years it seems that film makers have forgotten that the most important part of the film is the ending. It's the ending that makes a film believable, a good, well written ending will leave the audience feeling convinced of even the most fantastical subject matters and they will leave the film feeling satisfied and with a much deeper appreciation for the story and characters in it. Hopefully this will be a passing trend, speaking of bad endings this is where I am chosing to end my post... goodnight

Home, Sweet Home!

Yesterday was the big day really, everything was finally completed, all the money safely where it should be and we were finally given the keys to our new house. It was great to be in there again, we haven't been in since the viewing before we decided to make an offer, about 4 months ago. It actually felt like coming home, I'm not sure whether that is because its such a lovely little house or because it now our house, either way it's a great feeling.

More or less as soon as we were in we got too work cleaning and stripping wallpaper ready for when we bring our furniture in, we already have a lot donated to us largely by Kelly's parents & brother, all of which we are extremely grateful for.

There's one thing you don't realise about having your own place and thats exactly how much there is and how difficult it is to get set up, we thought we'd done a good job of planning it all out but now we're actually in there's so much we never really thought about. It's not so much the cost thats suprised us, we knew it would be expensive. Thats part of the reason we decided to buy in the first place, those setting up costs are there either way, buy or rent, but with buying you eventually have something to show for it. The thing that has suprised us is the sheer amount of time it takes filling out forms and making phone calls just to get the very basics in place and just to make sure you've covered all your legal bases, it's a nightmare. Thankfully Kelly has dealt with so much of that, for which I am extremly thankful, if I'd have had to do it then most of it would have never happened.

Anyway I could lay here and write on this all day, but that wont get anything done, so I best end it here................

Home Ownership

Well its now coming towards the end of the first day of 2012 and over three months since I last posted on here. This year will both be the greatest and the most terrifying year of my life, it is the year that I, more or less, enter the world of true adulthood and leave my current life of living like a teenager behind me. Don't get me wrong I'm 28 not 18, I've legally been an adult for more than a third of my life already, however this is the year that I settle down, this is the year that I take on one of the biggest responsibilities of my life. Within the next couple of weeks I will become a fully fledged home owner, I am about to become the proud owner of a 2 bed semi detached house and I am about to take on a mortgage for the next 25 years.

This year me and my partner officially become a family, admittedly only a family of 2 but a family all the same. It's a big step for me, one that I've never really taken before, but one that I know will be worth it.

My only real worry is how is she ever going to live with all my toys and books...