Thanks, Mate, Now I’ve Shat Myself

This is a work of true poetic genius by British stand-up comedian Joe Wilkinson:

If I'm running towards the lav shouting,
"It's coming out, it's coming out!"
Don't stop me and ask me where I got my nest of tables.

Thanks, mate, now I've shat myself.

And don't dare me to eat 50 Cadbury's Creme Eggs
Then let me have a go on your trampoline.
What did you think was going to happen?

Thanks, mate, now I've shat myself.

And don't tickle me when I'm chatting to the bus driver
About how much I shit myself.

Thanks, mate
Oh, hang on, I don't think I followed through that time.
Oh, no, I have.

Thanks, mate, I shat myself.

Taken from season 15 episode 1 of 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, staring John Cooper Clarke