So the end of my first weekend, which has gone far too quickly, after my first full week of work and I wish I could say it was all going well. I hate it, I hate the work, I hate the machine I work with, I hate the fact they expect me to know what I'm doing without being shown, I hate the number of hours, I hate the barely minimum wage pay, I hate the building and I hate the people (ok not all of them, some of them are nice enough). I got through a bottle of bourbon this week and that was purely to make myself feel like a human again when I got in from work, a quarter bottle every night except the one night when I went out to the pub and drank much more than that.
People tell me I should try and have a more positive outlook on life, but I have trouble developing one because when I look at life in general, not just mine, and the state of the world all I can see is pain and misery and suffering. Even in the, so called, rich countries the vast majority of people spend the vast majority of their lives working for the very few people who have all the wealth and ultimately seeing nothing for it but an early grave or an old age full of pain and frailty. I don't want that to be me, I hate the thought of that being me, but I know that there's no way that I can avoid it without dying young. I'll never be one of the privileged few, I'll never have anything, I'll never amount to anything, I will die a tired, dried up old man who spent his life scrimping and saving just to exist.
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