The Midnight Rambler Rambles At Midnight

It's 1:30 in morning and I'm topping up the bath with hot water for the second time. I don't really have anything to say, but I felt like it was the right time to write something, so here I am chatting absolute shit into the void.

I do love a long, very long, soak in a hot bath, especially when I know that I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning. Candles lit, lights off, incense burning, a selection of beverages and an audiobook playing in the background, it's absolute bliss.

Today was my last day at work until the new year. With all the shit that's been going on I kind of forgot to use my holidays and if you don't use them then you lose them.

To be honest I kind of like using my days off at this time of year. Work is winding down, because of the bad weather, so I know that I won't be going back to a shit storm and it means I get a decent amount of time to enjoy the festive season at home.

I'm kind of hoping things ease up enough for me to risk visiting my parents and dropping off a few gifts for them, my siblings and my nieces. We're not a religious family, though some people I consider family lean towards the pagan side, but we all still celebrate Christmas. I know my parents will have the old family Christmas tree up in the bay window and I know that there will be a small pile of gifts sitting under it. I know my mum will still insist on cooking a huge turkey, even if it is just the two of them this year. I know that if I wanted them to they'd still set a place for me, even though it's been years since I last came home for Christmas. 

We might not see eye to eye and I don't talk to them much, I visit them even less, but I do love my parents and sometimes I even miss them. The house they live in has been the family home since I was 4 years old and that was a very long time ago. I hope it will continue to be the family home for many years to come, though I guess only time will tell.

When my previous relationship broke down I, and as much of my stuff as a car could carry, moved back in with them and, even though I no longer live there, a good chunk of my stuff is still in my old room. I know that I'll have to collect it one day, but I hope that it's by choice and not by necessity.

I kind of amass stuff, some of it potentially useful, some of it potentially collectable, some of it potentially interesting and probably most of it just tat. Because I'm never particularly sure which stuff belongs in which category I generally keep all of it, that means that I have a lot of stuff, spread over a lot of different places, and, because some of it genuinely is useful, but isn't necessarily were I need it at the time, I have quite a lot of duplicates. One day I'll get around to sorting it out and actually make use of my eBay account for a change.

I guess I'm rambling, it's now 2 in the morning, I've just finished smoking my pipe and I'm currently topping up my bath for the third time. I could probably ramble on some more, but I know most people won't read this and those that do probably got bored a while ago. I should probably sign off, finish up my drinks and make my way to bed… good night.

I’m An Old Fart

And I now completely understand what people mean when they say they’ve put their back out. I’m no stranger to back pain, and that’s ignoring the more or less constant lower back pain I have from just being a fat guy, over the years I’ve injured my back in too many ways to remember. From bruises to pulled muscles to simple strains, back pain is just part of my daily routine.

This morning, however, was the worst back pain I’ve ever felt in my life and I wasn’t even doing anything stupid. I got out of the shower, bent down to dry my legs and as I stood up my back audibly cracked. Rather than the satisfying feeling of relief and feeling a release of pressure, I was suddenly in intense pain, I couldn’t easily stand and I could feel a strong tightness in my stomach and lower back.

So far this has lasted all day, with the pain and tightness only easing slightly, to the point where I’ve given up on the day, dosed myself with anti-inflammatories, painkillers and dragon balm and crawled into bed to try and sleep.

Fucked Up World

Sometimes at night, when I’m struggling to sleep, I lie in bed and think. One thing I find myself dwelling on time and time again is that this generation could have been the one that saved the world, instead we’ve just maintained the status quo. We’ve let our leaders fob us off with platitudes and half measures, meanwhile climate change gets worse and our finite resources get ever closer to being used up. All we’ve really done is made the rich richer and the poor poorer, whilst sinking ever further into our own little worlds in an attempt to forget the real one we’re fucking up. It speaks volumes to me that our biggest issues are social justice issues, some privileged fool whining about other people being privileged when, in most western countries, we all have the same rights and are bound by the same laws. It seems like national and international governments actively seek to keep people involved in this drama to distract us from the larger issues like climate change, pollution and wealth disparity. The scary part for me is that it works, our young people have bought into it, they rage and shout and hold protests about these perceived injustices. They've brushed aside the real problems we face to jump on a bandwagon… we are nothing more than zombies...