Just A Bit Of A Rant About Employment

I’ve just received confirmation that all staff will be expected back in the office, on full working hours, from the 8th of March. I guess it’s back to 90 minute, traffic hell, commutes to and from work and skipping lunch breaks because of the extra pressure to perform that being in the office brings with it. 

Now I’ve got used to it and adjusted my body clock to account for it, losing those 3 hours from my day and my 30 minute workouts over lunch are really going to hit both my mental and physical health hard. 

So much for the pandemic permanently changing office work for the better, it seems far more likely to me that it’s going to change it for the worse.

If you don’t want to read the rantings of a perpetually working class, over opinionated, generation rent, aging millennial (yes, I am currently wearing skinny jeans… fucking zoomer.) I’d suggest you stop here… Otherwise, have at it.

I might not be a business analyst, but I’ve worked in industry for a long time and have weathered many a storm and remained relatively unscathed whilst doing so. This is thanks to being quite technically minded, trying my best to be an “information sponge”, having a reasonable level of insight into how things work and being a good judge of things to come. As I see it, thanks to business closures, caused by a mixture of the government mismanaging both the pandemic and brexit, it’s going to give the surviving employers greater scope to work their employees harder than ever. Surviving employers are going to want to take advantage of diminished competition to expand their market share and claw back lost revenue, but they’re going to want to do it without increasing costs because of the long term uncertainty that brexit has caused. 

This is likely to lead to them relying on a mixture of expendable “zero hour” contracted agency staff and expecting their existing full time work forces to increase productivity. A decrease in the amount of competition for employers generally leads to an increase in the amount of competition for employees, essentially a hell of a lot more people are now competing for a hell of a lot less jobs. Couple this with the fact that there’s now a massive influx of very talented, very experienced individuals who are currently unemployed and will be looking to start a new job ASAP and you have a situation where previously indispensable, relatively well paid, staff are now fairly easily replaced by equally capable people who are willing to accept lower pay out of desperation.

The foreseeable future is looking bleak from an employee standard point. The glass ceiling is going to be lowered, expanded and reinforced. Anyone below it will find themselves pushed into a more cramped, more competitive, higher stress environment. They will find themselves working harder and longer hours for the same or lower rates of pay. People at the lower end of the scale will find themselves suffering from stress caused by poor work/life balance, job insecurity and financial strains.

People above the glass ceiling will almost certainly experience the opposite of this, widening the gap between rich and poor. Basically because it’s been made harder for low level workers to break through, competition for high level jobs will decrease and therefore high level job security will increase. Meanwhile lower levels of business competition and an increased level of productivity to fill this void, whilst working to keep costs as low as possible though pressure on the workforce, is likely to create higher profits and therefore higher pay or bonuses to those upper echelons. 

Needless to say our current conservative government will be working hard in the background to ensure that this is the case, slowly chipping away at employee rights whilst firming up the control an employer can exert over their staff. As is generally the case with conservative policies, this will help to strengthen the stranglehold that large business concerns have over the economy, making it ever harder for smaller, independent businesses to compete on any level.

Basically if you’re already rich, and you’ve weathered the covid storm, you’re going to be doing great. If you’re poor, you’re basically screwed and as long as you continue to work, spend, repeat, whilst you’re capable at least, the government couldn’t give a damn if you sink or swim, live or die.

Ok, rant over… I’m perpetually tired and my bones hurt.

Happy Birthday God

Today would have been Lemmy Kilmister’s 75th birthday. He was a legend in his own life time, the only true God of rock and an important influence on me.

Music has always had a role in my life and, as a very young man, with very few friends, and almost no social skills, Motorhead were the first band that I discovered by myself.

No matter how much my musical tastes have changed, and will continue to change in the future, Motorhead have, and will continue to, always remain my all time favourite band.

Lemmy was always a big part of that, he just wanted to play rock n roll. He lived his life and played his music, he did it his way, whether it made money or not and that is something that deserves respect.

For me he seemed to embody the spirit of being your own person and, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, doing what you want. Growing up as the weird outsider, that perceived attitude really spoke to me.

I’m not going to say that Lemmy made me the man I am today, because that’s simply not true, but he definitely affected me. The attitude I perceived him to have inspired, and continues to inspire, me and give me pause for thought. In a world where everyone, and everything, is constantly telling you how to think and feel, the ability to think to yourself “what would I do?” is an important one and I feel like Lemmy played a major role in teaching me that.

Happy Birthday!

Dirty Old Creep

Apparently being in your mid 30’s makes you old and creepy. It really does sneak up on you, I never even noticed it happen.

To be honest I still feel like I’m mostly the same person as I was in my mid 20’s, I still have mostly the same interests, I’m still learning, I’m still evolving, my tastes are still expanding and if anything I’m actually fitter and healthier now than I was then.

The difference seems to be other people’s perceptions of me. Then, when I was hanging around in book shops, game stores, music shops, toy stores or just browsing film/comic/band merchandise, I was a harmless guy doing nerdy stuff and people largely ignored me. Now, when I’m being just as harmless and doing exactly the same thing, I’m seen as some old weirdo having a mid life crisis.

Just before all this covid malarkey kicked off, I was in a local book shop, flicking through a couple of graphic novels, and I overheard two women, that looked like they weren’t any younger than me, talking, far too loudly not to be heard, about “that big, hairy, old guy over by the comics” and how “he must be some kind of freak trying to hit on young girls”. As I was the only other person in the shop, and being a big, hairy, old guy, they were clearly talking about me. I just ignored them, made my purchase and left the store, but what they said kinda hurt and it really stuck with me. When did still having interests, and being a little childish, as an adult become a bad thing? Why does it mean that I have to have some kind of sinister motive? Can’t I just be an adult that enjoys nerdy things? And why, just because I’m a man and still enjoy those things, does it make me some kind of lecherous perve?

On the upside, being a bit older does mean that my beard is thicker and more majestic than ever, even if there is an awful lot of white hair in there.

A Fever Dream?

Did I really witness Nigel Farage watching clear cut video evidence of Donald Trump suggesting people look into injecting disinfectant, then have him try to deny it and then call someone fake news on live television... or did I just fever dream that whole sequence? It seems so surreal that that's kind of what it feels like.

Politics makes me so angry at the moment. I had to turn off the tele and put the kettle on, if I hadn’t I felt like I might have lashed out in some stupid way.

A nice pot of tea, and 15 minutes of light exercise, and I’m feeling a lot better, so it’s off to the "home office" to get a day's work done.

The Storm

I’m currently lying on my bed, by candlelight, listening to the storm. This is the most thunder and lightning I’ve experienced in years, I’m probably misremembering, but growing up it seemed like we had thunderstorms most summers. I do love a good thunderstorm.

Now, to make me feel more human again, all the weather has to do is actually rain and lower the temperature by about 15 degrees.

This heat is killing me, my body can’t handle it, it’s also almost destroyed my garden, the sun has been so intense it’s scorched my herbs and shriveled my strawberries.

Removing The 'Shield' From The Vulnerable

In the UK we’ve been steadily releasing the lock down for a few weeks, despite our scientists advising it’s too early, to be fair it had to happen at some point and our conservative government was always going to put money above human lives. As part of the pandemic response we have a category of people referred to as ‘shielded’, these are vulnerable people, the elderly and people with underlying health conditions. As a group they’ve been locked down the longest and have had the strongest restrictions imposed on them. As of today they’re allowed out for the first time in weeks, and it really shows. I went out first thing this morning for a few essentials, the supermarket was full of very confused looking very elderly people. They were milling around like zombies, not following the social distancing rules, ignoring other people's protests and, for some insane reason, none of the staff were doing a thing about it. 

The really crazy thing is that, when they were first restricted, there was an uproar about it being unfair to those 'shielded’ people who are still capable. The fact that now we’ve eased restrictions on them and had an influx of vulnerable people not following the guidelines, either because they don’t understand them, whether that’s willful or not, or because they are just refusing to, shows exactly why it was necessary. A line had to be drawn somewhere and protecting the most vulnerable, even though our government completely failed, and is still failing, to do so, should always be a high priority. It was inevitable that people just falling to either side of that line were going to feel hard done to, but it was a necessity and, having several vulnerable people in my family who would almost certainly not have survived catching the virus, I'm glad that it happened.

Bojo The Clown

After Boris Johnson’s most recent announcement, it’s looking very likely that I’ll be going back to work at some point over the next few days.

Last week Britain surpassed 30,000 deaths, meaning we have the highest death rate in Europe. Given that at the beginning of all this the government suggested 20,000 deaths would be a good number, the fact that we’re already 50% higher and our prime minister is suggesting people should be “actively encouraged” to return to work, from tomorrow, is absolutely baffling.

What’s more baffling is that we’re going back to work, but outside of work we’re still supposed to isolate from friends, family and other people outside of our household. It’s a completely ridiculous, and quite frankly backwards, policy clearly designed to protect the financial interests of the wealthy rather than the health of general population. What would make more sense is to continue with restrictions on businesses whilst easing those on people visiting family members, and potentially friends, outside of the household. It is far easier for someone to ascertain whether or not a family member is experiencing covid-like symptoms, and if so continue to isolate from them, than it is someone they work with. My thoughts are that we’re now on course for another surge in cases, a second peak and potentially a much higher cost to the economy in the long run, however, given our governments track record with sharing accurate figures on Covid-19 cases, it may not be reported this way.

Whilst ultimately I am aware that protecting our economy is important, and I do want to return to work, I only want to return to work when it is genuinely safe to do so. For me being in lockdown has been great for both my mental and physical health and, thanks to being furloughed, hasn’t even been that hard on me financially. Not having to commute has greatly decreased my outgoings and having plenty of free time has allowed me to plan my meals, put together a thorough and thought out shopping list and left me with plenty of time, and energy, to push myself to exercise on a daily basis.

Knowing that this is all about to change, and it being before I feel it is safe for it to do so, my mood is at the lowest it’s been in weeks and I can only see it getting worse from here on out.

Lockdown Life

I’ve been in lockdown for a full 3 weeks now, my company went into shutdown later than most, and for the first few days of which I was working from home. I work for a manufacturing company producing for the construction industry and that has been allowed to keep operating throughout the crisis, though after the first few days of lockdown most companies went into shut down of their own accord. I’ll have been on furlough for 3 weeks as of Friday evening and that essentially means I’ll have had a full 3 weeks of not working, I didn’t want to risk losing the money I am getting by continuing to work from home despite being furloughed, though I’m sure some people will have.

It took a few days to get used to it, but now I’m really enjoying not being at work, though I do wish I’d had slightly more notice to get a few things in so I could do a few of the odd jobs I’ve been lazily (partially due to lack of free time) putting off. So far in the past few weeks I’ve helped repair some fencing that came down in the most recent storms, I’ve cleared out and turned a bit of garden into a veg patch and set some seeds into pots to grow a little before being put out (we still get occasional morning frosts at this time of year), I’ve cooked a few bits and bobs that I particularly enjoy, I’ve set myself an exercise regime and dietary controls with the aim of increasing my physical fitness, I've listened to a lot of podcasts (thank you CheapShow, www.thecheapshow.co.uk, for being thoroughly entertaining) and I’ve played a few video games that I’ve been meaning to play for a while (though I still haven’t started replaying the Witcher 3). It has now gotten to the stage where I’m genuinely dreading life going back to normal, me having to put back on my mask (metaphorically speaking... I’m an antisocial, neurotic git and it takes a lot of work and fakery for me to be around people), returning to work and having to deal with the general shit show that is humanity (I’d like to hope that all this will make people more thoughtful of others, but I’m almost 100% certain it wont and that people will return to their normal cuntish selves very quickly).

As I’ve not really done anything of note, and because I’m boring as all hell so I don’t have anything interesting to say, I’ve been very inactive on the social media/blogging front recently and the current crisis we are all suffering through hasn’t really helped. I thought I should at least add some sort of narcissistic update as to how I’m doing and what my daily life currently entails and here it is.

Thank you for reading.

Does This Mean I'm Actually Environmentally Friendly?

I ran out of loo roll days ago and, thanks to the fucking panic buying pricks, I've not been able to buy any since, however, I did manage to pick up a couple of large packs of old school cotton dish cloths and a big bottle of concentrated 'winter spice' disinfectant... Looking on the bright side, my bum smells of cinnamon and I've finally gone reusable.

I Want To Permanently Self Isolate

I want to self isolate, not because I'm ill or even that worried about getting ill (to be honest I'm much more bothered by the idea of passing the illness on to someone more vulnerable than myself than actually being ill), I just don't want to be around people anymore.

Is Anxiety Still Anxiety When It's Rational?

I live in a perpetual state of feeling like my entire world is about to fall apart, a constant awareness of disaster looming in the periphery of my perception… I’d love to say this malady is of my own making, that it’s all a figment of my overactive imagination, but I’m almost completely certain that I’m only very slightly exaggerating things to myself, that it is in fact simply reality.

Brexit Night

It's official, the race to the bottom has now begun, my worry is that we've all underestimated just how far there is for us to fall before we hit it.

This may be me being intentionally naive, but I genuinely hope I'm wrong, that we can turn a disaster in to a success story and that Bojo the clown isn't as dishonest, or as much as a buffoon, as he appears to be.

Missed Opportunity

We had the opportunity to say no to dishonesty, no to bigotry, no to massive corporations avoiding taxation, no to pandering to the whims of the richest 1%.

Instead of this we chose to say no to having more say in the Brexit process, no to protecting the NHS for future generations, no to helping the most vulnerable in our society, no to a fairer distribution of taxation.

To say that I'm massively disappointed in the outcome of the general election is an understatement, to say I understand why people choose to vote the way they did would be a lie. What I do understand is that the majority of people who voted Conservative, the rich, the misguided elderly, the middle class with poorly informed views on climbing the social ladder, the outright bigoted, are the people least, or think they are, likely to be affected by their policies and that all they've really done is shown the rest of us just how little understanding they have of the world at large and just how little empathy they possess.

For those of you who voted Conservative 'to get Brexit done' or just because you're sick of hearing about it, you seem to have forgotten the most important fact. They are the party that put us in this mess to begin with, the one that kicked off the whole process with little to no understanding of what that would entail, who, after months of nothing but bickering and infighting, invoked article 50 with no deal, or even a deal in principle, in place, who to this day have no viable option for our withdrawal on the table and seem to care very little about actually doing so. You have voted for a party that is literally incapable of getting Brexit done and will allow us to free fall out of Europe with nothing to stop us but our face and the jagged, broken, rocky ground that is reality. 

We are in for years, if not decades, of economic slowdown and potentially even recession. Don't worry though whilst the Conservatives are in power they won't let this hurt the wealthy, they'll keep tax on high earners low, they'll still use tax payers money to bail out failing big businesses and continue to give the most lucrative government contracts to their already massively wealthy friends. They do have plans to fund this... They'll cut funding to the social support structures that help the most vulnerable amongst us, they'll make it even harder for the disabled to claim benefits, they'll further cut funding to police forces, fire brigades and other emergency services, they'll cut funding to our schools and education systems, they'll cut funding to and further privatise the NHS.

This may all seem like liberal scare mongering, but you only have to look around to see that this is already happening, the truth is out there to see if you're willing to look for it. I'm not even that politically minded and I can see this, how are so many people living in willful ignorance?

Why Are The General Public Such Cunts?

I live in England, we had yet another general election yesterday and somehow, despite royally fucking us over almost every time they get in power, the Conservatives won (that said Labour aren't all that much better).

England is a country where you can literally get in trouble with the police for hurting someone's feelings, where freedom of speech is basically just a myth, where the masses get offended over the most minor of things most of the time, and are very vocal about it. Although some people do disagree, most appear to be ok with it and it all seems to be for the sake of political correctness and ensuring no-one feels discriminated against (although a lot of people still are).

The question I have is given their track record, and the fact that we are somewhat of a snowflake society, how in hell are the openly racist, sexist, elitist, bigoted buffoons we currently have in government still in power and still getting voted for?

A Little Self Indulgent Moan

I’ve been wanting to move away from the area I grew up in for quite a while now and it’s really starting to wear me down. I currently work full time, although the pay is very poor, the job itself is entirely reliable and for an unskilled worker, in the current economic climate, that is a fairly big draw. Unfortunately my low pay has left me in a pretty shitty situation where my monthly outgoings are basically equal to my income, meaning that I have no real savings to fall back on. Couple this with the fact that I also have financial responsibilities that require me to pay every month or risk forfeiting my claim to them, potentially losing a lot of money and any chance of ever putting together a deposit on a mortgage. What this means to me is that, in a very real sense, I live pay day to pay day and can’t afford to lose even a single months pay.

As it stands it appears as though I’ve been left with two viable options, continue in my current job and commute to work or find another reliable job in the area that I want to live in. Whilst both of these options look fairly simple on paper they’re not as easy as it seems.

Firstly the area that I want to live in is around 35 miles away from where I work and although this isn’t a vast distance I don’t currently drive, though I am working to change that. It’s taken a couple of years, but I’ve finally managed to adjust my budget enough to afford weekly driving lessons rather than waste my time and money buying them in blocks with, sometimes long periods of time between each block. Essentially this means that, for me currently, commuting isn’t really an option.

Secondly, since the Brexit referendum economic growth in Britain has plateaued somewhat, and in certain cases has even recessed slightly, meaning that less jobs are available, competition for jobs has increased and employers are looking to fill the available jobs more cheaply. As a fairly qualified and extremely experienced employee, whilst not being the most expensive, I would not be particularly cheap to employ. I would require to at least match my current wage, but would ideally be looking to achieve closer to the higher end of the average wage for a person of my level of experience. When combined with the fact that I currently don’t drive, I have a very distinctive style and appearance, and that I have a fairly lengthy notice period in my current job, makes me a somewhat less desirable candidate for most companies.

So where does this leave me? This is a question I find that I’m asking myself ever more frequently and unfortunately the answer doesn’t really change, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have the money, or support structure, to simply quit my current job and move. Annoyingly if this was an option it has the potential to make me more employable due to no longer having a notice period and being available for an immediate start. I’m basically left with having to rely on either there being someone out there willing to take a chance on employing me or on my own ability to learn and the hope that I pick up the necessary driving skills quickly. Unfortunately I’m not convinced that either of these options are particularly viable, but they’re all I seem to have.

Remember When Sleep Was A Thing? I Miss Sleep

I miss the kind of sleep that's like slipping into oblivion, the kind where, for a few hours at least, you, your worries, your thoughts and your aches and pains, mental, emotional and physical, no longer exist and your entire universe shrinks down to a point that is just still, calm, comforting darkness. I miss waking up in the morning and feeling genuinely rested. I miss actually feeling comfortable lying in bed. I miss occasionally having a positive outlook.

Not Entirely Happy

I'm not too proud to admit that I'm really struggling with just about everything at the moment. Getting up, facing the day and doing the bare minimum to continue with my life, such as it is, is currently genuinely challenging.

To The People Who...

To the people who say "money can't buy you happiness" I want to explain to me exactly how you know that it can't. It seems like it's always said by people who either have no money at all or people who have some money, but still need to work, in one way or another, to ensure they have some degree of income. I've never heard it said by anyone who is rich enough that they don't have to worry about money. My theory is that happiness can be bought, but it's expensive and only the people who are "money is no object" rich can afford to buy it. Essentially I'm saying that people who think that happiness can't be bought are too poor to afford it and are just trying to kid themselves into thinking that the super rich are miserable too. Of course, I'm far too poor to buy happiness, however, I am more than willing to test my theory, I just need lots of people to donate me large sums of money, on a monthly basis, for the rest of my life... Anyone willing to help me become "money is no object" rich?... Anyone?... No?... I thought not.

Feeling Awful, AKA Another Self Indulgent Post

I'm struggling to remember the last time that I didn't feel awful in one way or another. If I'm not physically feeling awful then I'm feeling awful emotionally, if I'm not emotionally feeling awful then I'm feeling awful mentally and if I'm not mentally feeling awful then I feel like I'm an awful person. More often than not it's some sort of continually shifting combination of all four, previously mentioned, types of feeling awful. That's not to say that I don't have moments of happiness, as with most people, being in certain places, doing certain things, being around certain people will all make me happy to some extent, however, behind every other feeling is that general background awfulness and, if I'm being honest with myself, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to make that awfulness go away.

I Don’t Understand Music And I Wish I Did

I love music, I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember, it’s always been a big part of my life, however, I don’t understand music and I wish I did. Though I don’t anymore, and I’m not entirely certain I could even If I tried, in the past I’ve played a variety of instruments and learned to read sheet music, tablature etc. But it’s always been just that, reading and copying what someone else has written, I’ve never been able to produce music of my own and on the odd occasion that I’ve tried it’s always sounded horrible and completely discordant. I just don’t seem able to grasp the basic structure of music, how it fits together, what notes, chords, progressions etc. work with and complement each other. I don’t even know what it is that prevents me from understanding it, maybe I’m just not a creative person, maybe the way I think is too linear, maybe I’m too dependant on logic to grasp the analogue nature of sounds and rhythms, maybe I’m just tone death. I honestly don’t know and I probably never will.