Some Days Are Just Bad Days

When you're as obsessed with food as I am and you're trying to manage your weight, particularly if you're counting calories, I think it's important not to feel like you're missing out. From my perspective the moment that I start feeling like I'm missing out is when I know that it's just a matter of time before I break and relapse into my old eating habits. I have a few things that I rely on to help with this, one of them being that I buy little, pre portioned, treats that can easily be factored into my daily caloric intake. Unfortunately I also have to operate within a fairly tight budget and sometimes, to help keep costs down, I will buy my treats in bulk, this means that I will occasionally have several weeks worth sat on my shelf. Normally this isn't an issue, not allowing myself to feel like I'm missing out grants me a certain amount of self control and I can usually stick to whatever I've factored into my daily diet. Some days, however, are harder than others and Tuesday was a particularly shitty day for me. After getting home from work, instead of following my normal routine, I decided to try and cheer myself up by eating my treats for the day a little early. This lead to me having a minor break, instead of taking just one cake bar from the pack, I took the whole pack and once I'd finished that pack I started on a second. It took less than 10 minutes to completely destroy over a week's worth of treats and to burn through well over a day's worth of calories before I'd even eaten my dinner. Rather than cheering me up, as intended, this has left me feeling angry and more than a little disappointed with myself.

Everyday I Struggle With Food

It's been 18 months since I radically changed what I eat and started to actively lose weight. Although I don't actually know how much weight I've lost, in that time I've dropped 10 inches from around my waist and gone down 3 X's in shirt size. Even after all this time staying on the wagon and making healthier food choices is incredibly difficult, there's not a single day goes by that some part of me doesn't cry out for crisps, fried foods and chocolate. Most days I can keep it under control, but that's not always the case, some times my will breaks and I make a total pig of myself. The days I fail are the hardest of all because they remind me that I love eating and that fatty, unhealthy foods are my favourite and represent some of the best foods known to man. On these days getting myself back under control and getting back on the wagon is almost impossible, but I know that I have to, I never want to be the size I used to be and that means being in control of myself.

Real Men Wear Cardigans

One of the few things I've actually been successful at over the past 12 months is losing weight. I've dropped about 10 inches from around my waist, having lost somewhere in the region of 5 stones, since this time last year.

I'd love to say it's made my more confident and given me a fresh perspective on life, but in all honesty I'm not sure that it has made all that much difference. I'm the smallest I've been since I was a teenager, and it's definitely lessened some of my aches and pains, but on an emotional level I'm still pretty much broken.

That said I have come away with at least one positive thing, I can totally rock a cardigan and no matter what anyone else says cardigans are metal as fuck.

P.S I still suck at taking selfies.

P.P.S Any clothing brands looking for a tall, slightly older, somewhat alternative, grizzled (ugly) looking model I'm totally available... and that's not at all because I now have a wardrobe full of clothes that are too big and can't afford to replace them so could do with some free stuff...

Fat Guy Problems

When you’re a long-term fat guy whose trying to lose weight, every day is a battle not to slip back into 20 plus year old habits and coping mechanisms. Sometimes you lose those battles, today this cake absolutely kicked my and my will powers ass.

The Downwards Spiral

Since my last post I've been trying to shake off the downwards spiral I've put my life in general into over the last few months. I'd been feeling really low, I was letting the negative thoughts get to me and I was getting to the stage where I wasn't connecting with the things I enjoy and care about. In order to pull myself together and get back on track I need to make positive changes to my lifestyle, I need to reconnect and I need to improve my general health and well being. Losing a bit of weight, getting myself back down to the size I was a few years ago and improving my health in general seemed like a good starting point.

For me the obvious first step was trying to cut down on my alcohol consumption, over the last few months this had steadily increased to the point where it had become an issue. It was a primary factor in my recent weight gain and was starting to become very expensive. I'm mainly a real ale and craft beer drinker, so I'd been spending as much on beer as on almost all of my other expenditures combined. I'm not going to make out like it was an epic struggle, I am not and have never been dependant on alcohol. Though with that said I was definitely using it as a sort of comfort blanket, slipping in to the gentle mellowness that comes on the edge of being drunk and using it to shut off the negative thoughts that are almost constantly running through my mind. The way I saw it the solution was fairly simple, do not buy beer, either by avoiding the temptation entirely or by going in with "do not buy beer" set at the forefront of my mind. So far this solution has been very successful, I haven't bought beer and if the beer isn't in the house then I can't drink it.

The second step is a little harder for me to face, I need to cut down on my snacking and tweak my general diet to include less junk and more healthy food. This is always particularly hard for me as I'm a bit of a foodie, eating is hugely important to me, I derive more pleasure from eating than almost anything else in my life. Combined with the fact that my general food preferences largely consist of meat and meat based products means that my day to day calorie intake tends to be fairly high. For me the easiest part of getting my eating under control was to cut down on the snacking, I've done this by initially replacing my normal unhealthy snacks with fruit and veg before slowly cutting the number of snacks down to just a couple of pieces of fruit a day. Once I'd got snacking under control I moved on to adjusting my breakfast routine, for me breakfast usually consisted of something along the lines of a ham and cheese sandwich, beans and cheese on toast or toasted bagels and chocolate spread. I needed to replace this and decided cereals would be the way to go, after testing several different cereals I came to conclusion that no added sugar or salt muesli offered the best compromise between flavour and being healthy. Now I'm starting to get my eating under control, my calorie intake is down and I'm eating more fruit and veg, it's time to introduce the next step.

The third step is to try and exercise more, now I'm never going to be the kind of guy who spends his life in gym, that is definitely not for me. Instead I decided it was time to get out and about and start walking at weekends. When I was younger I loved going camping, hiking, etc. I loved to get out into the country and just enjoy being outside, away from the hustle and bustle, away from the town centre crowds. Part of me would love to re-capture that outdoors spirit and the freedom I felt, part of me just hates being surrounded by people and loves the solitude. Either way the last few weekends I've spent heading out into the middle of nowhere and following one of the many planned walking routes. I have to say it's been a very nice experience, I've seen some beautiful countryside, some gorgeous woodlands, charming villages and wonderful wildlife.  I don't know if it's physically doing me any good, I haven't noticed any weight loss, but it's definitely lifting my mood and I'm definitely rediscovering my love of the English countryside and the great outdoors in general.

These are changes that I should really have made a long time ago and realistically, if I'm genuinely going to get my life back on track, there's a long way to go and a lot more changes that I need to make. I know I don't have the best track record with this kind of thing, I'm definitely guilty of procrastination and I nearly always take the easy way out, but I'm genuinely hoping I can keep this up and can actually start to make the changes I need to be the person I want to be.

Walking and the Great Outdoors