Work Toilet Selfie, Just Because I'm Vane As Fuck

Work toilet selfie, just because I'm vane as fuck.

Also on a side note, I had an absolutely terrible weekend diet wise. I went totally off the rails on Saturday, packing away in the region of 6000 calories worth of booze and BBQ. Sunday wasn't much better, I ate left over BBQ for breakfast and devoured an entire 200g bar of chocolate in the evening (there's well over 1000 calories on its own). Consequently this week I've been trying to stick to around 1500 calories a day, it's only Tuesday and I've already let myself down. Why are ham sandwiches and crisps so hard to ignore?

Some Days Are Just Bad Days

When you're as obsessed with food as I am and you're trying to manage your weight, particularly if you're counting calories, I think it's important not to feel like you're missing out. From my perspective the moment that I start feeling like I'm missing out is when I know that it's just a matter of time before I break and relapse into my old eating habits. I have a few things that I rely on to help with this, one of them being that I buy little, pre portioned, treats that can easily be factored into my daily caloric intake. Unfortunately I also have to operate within a fairly tight budget and sometimes, to help keep costs down, I will buy my treats in bulk, this means that I will occasionally have several weeks worth sat on my shelf. Normally this isn't an issue, not allowing myself to feel like I'm missing out grants me a certain amount of self control and I can usually stick to whatever I've factored into my daily diet. Some days, however, are harder than others and Tuesday was a particularly shitty day for me. After getting home from work, instead of following my normal routine, I decided to try and cheer myself up by eating my treats for the day a little early. This lead to me having a minor break, instead of taking just one cake bar from the pack, I took the whole pack and once I'd finished that pack I started on a second. It took less than 10 minutes to completely destroy over a week's worth of treats and to burn through well over a day's worth of calories before I'd even eaten my dinner. Rather than cheering me up, as intended, this has left me feeling angry and more than a little disappointed with myself.

Everyday I Struggle With Food

It's been 18 months since I radically changed what I eat and started to actively lose weight. Although I don't actually know how much weight I've lost, in that time I've dropped 10 inches from around my waist and gone down 3 X's in shirt size. Even after all this time staying on the wagon and making healthier food choices is incredibly difficult, there's not a single day goes by that some part of me doesn't cry out for crisps, fried foods and chocolate. Most days I can keep it under control, but that's not always the case, some times my will breaks and I make a total pig of myself. The days I fail are the hardest of all because they remind me that I love eating and that fatty, unhealthy foods are my favourite and represent some of the best foods known to man. On these days getting myself back under control and getting back on the wagon is almost impossible, but I know that I have to, I never want to be the size I used to be and that means being in control of myself.

Monday Morning Update

This weekend was a very food heavy couple of days and, whilst I definitely enjoyed eating it, I know that I’m going to spend the rest of the week paying the price for it. I shall be somewhat punishing myself mentally, if not physically, as I obsessively count every single calorie that goes into my body. That’s not to say that I’m currently on a massively restricted calorie count, I’m not really looking to lose any more weight, however, I am actively trying to avoid gaining weight. After the weekend I’ve just had (including heading out for a few drinks on Thursday night), I’ll be aiming for somewhere in the region of 1800 calories a day and over the next 4 days this should, more or less, balance things out nicely.

Being A Natural Fatty Sucks

My stomach is rumbling like fuck, but I’ve already eaten my calorie allowance for the day and after the weekend I just had (I basically ate everything even remotely edible that came near me) I don’t have any spare for a quick snack.

Forever A Fatty

So diet wise this weekend has been a complete disaster, however, food wise it's been pretty awesome. Cinnamon hot cocoa with homemade cookies for supper followed, a few hours later, by a rye bread grilled cheese with red onion chutney and pickles for breakfast.