A Simple Pot Of Tea

Making a big deal out of a simple pot of tea is probably the biggest give away that I'm British, though I'm increasingly less certain that I want people knowing that these days.

Some Days Are Just Bad Days

When you're as obsessed with food as I am and you're trying to manage your weight, particularly if you're counting calories, I think it's important not to feel like you're missing out. From my perspective the moment that I start feeling like I'm missing out is when I know that it's just a matter of time before I break and relapse into my old eating habits. I have a few things that I rely on to help with this, one of them being that I buy little, pre portioned, treats that can easily be factored into my daily caloric intake. Unfortunately I also have to operate within a fairly tight budget and sometimes, to help keep costs down, I will buy my treats in bulk, this means that I will occasionally have several weeks worth sat on my shelf. Normally this isn't an issue, not allowing myself to feel like I'm missing out grants me a certain amount of self control and I can usually stick to whatever I've factored into my daily diet. Some days, however, are harder than others and Tuesday was a particularly shitty day for me. After getting home from work, instead of following my normal routine, I decided to try and cheer myself up by eating my treats for the day a little early. This lead to me having a minor break, instead of taking just one cake bar from the pack, I took the whole pack and once I'd finished that pack I started on a second. It took less than 10 minutes to completely destroy over a week's worth of treats and to burn through well over a day's worth of calories before I'd even eaten my dinner. Rather than cheering me up, as intended, this has left me feeling angry and more than a little disappointed with myself.

Everyday I Struggle With Food

It's been 18 months since I radically changed what I eat and started to actively lose weight. Although I don't actually know how much weight I've lost, in that time I've dropped 10 inches from around my waist and gone down 3 X's in shirt size. Even after all this time staying on the wagon and making healthier food choices is incredibly difficult, there's not a single day goes by that some part of me doesn't cry out for crisps, fried foods and chocolate. Most days I can keep it under control, but that's not always the case, some times my will breaks and I make a total pig of myself. The days I fail are the hardest of all because they remind me that I love eating and that fatty, unhealthy foods are my favourite and represent some of the best foods known to man. On these days getting myself back under control and getting back on the wagon is almost impossible, but I know that I have to, I never want to be the size I used to be and that means being in control of myself.

Lighting, Angles And Filters Make All The Difference

Just Because I'm Ugly

I might not have an overly high opinion of myself, but that doesn't stop me being vane and wanting people to find me as attractive as possible. I spend too much of my time trying to convince everyone that I'm the guy in the first picture. If I'm being honest with myself, and everyone else, I'm such a hideous person that even the heavily lined face of the guy with bags under his red eyes, in the second picture, is so much better looking than the real me.

Games Night Anyone?

This weekend I popped into the local toy shop and picked up a couple of new table top games. This is probably the most interesting looking one I bought, I can't wait to actually play it, though I guess that means I'll actually have to find some friends first... damn it! I really didn't think this through... erm... games night anyone?

Not Entirely Happy

I'm not too proud to admit that I'm really struggling with just about everything at the moment. Getting up, facing the day and doing the bare minimum to continue with my life, such as it is, is currently genuinely challenging.

To The People Who...

To the people who say "money can't buy you happiness" I want to explain to me exactly how you know that it can't. It seems like it's always said by people who either have no money at all or people who have some money, but still need to work, in one way or another, to ensure they have some degree of income. I've never heard it said by anyone who is rich enough that they don't have to worry about money. My theory is that happiness can be bought, but it's expensive and only the people who are "money is no object" rich can afford to buy it. Essentially I'm saying that people who think that happiness can't be bought are too poor to afford it and are just trying to kid themselves into thinking that the super rich are miserable too. Of course, I'm far too poor to buy happiness, however, I am more than willing to test my theory, I just need lots of people to donate me large sums of money, on a monthly basis, for the rest of my life... Anyone willing to help me become "money is no object" rich?... Anyone?... No?... I thought not.

Feeling Awful, AKA Another Self Indulgent Post

I'm struggling to remember the last time that I didn't feel awful in one way or another. If I'm not physically feeling awful then I'm feeling awful emotionally, if I'm not emotionally feeling awful then I'm feeling awful mentally and if I'm not mentally feeling awful then I feel like I'm an awful person. More often than not it's some sort of continually shifting combination of all four, previously mentioned, types of feeling awful. That's not to say that I don't have moments of happiness, as with most people, being in certain places, doing certain things, being around certain people will all make me happy to some extent, however, behind every other feeling is that general background awfulness and, if I'm being honest with myself, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to make that awfulness go away.