I Am Definitely Not Green Fingered

I’m home, sat in my scruffs and just about comfortable, though thoroughly disappointed.

I’ve just checked my garden and something certainly liked my courgette and pumpkin seedlings. They were getting fairly sizable just two days ago, now there’s nothing but a few straggly, yellowing leaves left. Ten plants gone in 48 hours, my netting wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped.

This sad image of a half ruined veg patch just about sums up my feelings in general.

Not A Waste Of Time

I might not have used my week off to actually do anything, other than eat far too much and skip exercising, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve wasted it. It’s nice to be able to switch off, or at least try to, and not have anyone expecting something from me for a few days.

Saturday Baking

It’s Saturday, I’m currently sat in my poncho (because I’m stylish as fuck), watching the wind and rain, whilst waiting for a cake to bake.

Stormy Weather

As much as I love this stormy weather, with it’s moody sky, blustery winds and lashing rain, it doesn’t half make me look like a fucking tramp.

My True Form Is Finally Revealed…

Hiding Out In The Toilet

You know that you’re in for a good week when you didn’t even make it to midday on Monday before resorting to hiding out in the toilet.

Increasingly Rare

The increasingly rare, but equally terrible, not at work selfie.

I'm A Work Of Art

When someone asks if they can draw you and you think they’re taking the piss right up until the moment they send you something amazing and absolutely blow you away. It’s incredibly flattering, I’m extremely honoured, I have never looked this good and I’m so making this my new avatar.

Work Toilet Selfie, Just Because I'm Vane As Fuck

Work toilet selfie, just because I'm vane as fuck.

Also on a side note, I had an absolutely terrible weekend diet wise. I went totally off the rails on Saturday, packing away in the region of 6000 calories worth of booze and BBQ. Sunday wasn't much better, I ate left over BBQ for breakfast and devoured an entire 200g bar of chocolate in the evening (there's well over 1000 calories on its own). Consequently this week I've been trying to stick to around 1500 calories a day, it's only Tuesday and I've already let myself down. Why are ham sandwiches and crisps so hard to ignore?

Hello Darkness... Are We Friends?

Me and the light definitely don't get on well, it hurts my eyes, burns my skin and generally makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it actually feels like it has a grudge against me.

That's not to say me and the dark are the best of friends, we have an odd relationship. I generally like the dark, it usually feels comfortable to me, but not all the time. Sometimes the dark scares me, sometimes it triggers my over active imagination and, when it does, it often feels like something malevolent is watching me.

Lighting, Angles And Filters Make All The Difference

Just Because I'm Ugly

I might not have an overly high opinion of myself, but that doesn't stop me being vane and wanting people to find me as attractive as possible. I spend too much of my time trying to convince everyone that I'm the guy in the first picture. If I'm being honest with myself, and everyone else, I'm such a hideous person that even the heavily lined face of the guy with bags under his red eyes, in the second picture, is so much better looking than the real me.

Back To Work Vanity

Back to work tomorrow after a week off and a serious case of the Sunday blues has already set in, to say that I'm really not looking forward to it would be one hell of an understatement. In an effort to cheer myself up, and because I'm kinda vain, I spent far too long pulling stupid faces at the camera on my mobile phone.

Yet Another Selfie

A truly horrific image of me, taken under the harsh lights of the NEC at the, somewhat disappointing, creative craft show last weekend.

The Lunch Break Work Toilet Selfie...

The lunch break work toilet mirror selfie, because I am the living embodiment of vanity and slightly weird face pulling... love me! LOVE ME!!

Bored On A Train

You’ve really gotta love it when the train you’re on, baring in mind that was already 10 minutes late when it arrived at my station, stops in the middle of nowhere, for at least 5 minutes, with absolutely no explanation and for no apparent reason.

My Hideous Visage (AKA Stroking My Own Ego)

I’m heading into town for a few drinks, so I’ve decided to try to look at least a little presentable and I’m currently failing miserably. Also the camera on this phone absolutely sucks.

P.S. That is not my room, it's the spare/storage room and just happens to be the only room in the place with a full length mirror.

My Face Aches

I’m always living in the hope that one day I might take a half decent selfie, but it seems no matter what I do I always manage to look like I’ve just been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Pure Vanity

… and then you have that sudden flash of realisation that you are the vain prick that takes selfies on his break at work.