Dreamer? Fool? Writer?

Once again I appear to be going through a slump where I feel as if I have nothing to say that is actually worth sharing, although in all fairness nothing I ever have to say is actually worth sharing, but that does not stop me from sharing it. When I look back at the last 20 odd years of my life one of the few things that has remained a constant within myself is my desire to be a writer. Essentially ever since I have been able to read, with any degree of skill, I have coveted and wanted for myself the ability to take what is on my mind/in my imagination, whether fact or fiction, and put that onto paper in an accurate and compelling manor. I am aware that, to a certain degree, I do actually possess this ability, however I also know that whatever level of ability I do possess is no more, or no less, than that of the vast majority of people. Unlike the vast majority I have actually had some of my writings puplished, although admittedly only in an anthology of short stories and poems by amateur writers and then I wasn’t even paid for my efforts. One of my stories and a short poem I wrote as a teenager were included as the prize in a competition I entered in my early twenties. Unfortunately since that time I have found that my ability to transfer what I see in my minds eye in to words and on to paper has waned somewhat and with that I find myself writing less and less, what I do write I no longer find enjoyable to read. I am not entirely sure whether this is because I continue to write as I did as a teenager but my tastes in literature and what I chose to read have matured or what I write now is no longer as compelling or interesting as it was when I was younger. The only thing I can be sure about is that I still wish to be a writer, but the older I get the more this seems like a dream and the less likely it is to actually happen. Anyway my friends with that said I shall bid you all a fond good night…

Random Rant

People assume that because I have an interest in and feel an affinity towards Norse mythology, the stories, the symbolism and artifacts relating to Norse mythology that I practice a pagan religion. I can't say that I get offended by this because I don't, I feel that we are all entitled to our own beliefs, no matter what they are. I also believe, however, that those beliefs are a private thing and should not be forced upon the general population in any way, shape or form.

I understand that certain religions require certain things from there practitioners, but I feel that religion should not take priority over the laws and policies of the land, nore should those laws and policies be written, affected by or adjusted to suit any religious point of view, not matter which religion that be. If one person can't wear something that obscures their facial features then no one can, if one person is not allowed to wear jewellery the no one can, if one person can't carry a weapon then no one can. There should never be a situation where it is one rule for one person and another rule for someone else. Everyone is equal, everyone is entitled to the same rights and everyone should be subject to the same laws and the same rules and the same policies regardless of beliefs, skins colour, sex, age or background.

Drained Directly From My Brain

I am thoroughly knackered, I shouldn't really be because it's only Monday night and I have just had a whole weekend to relax and recharge. It's odd how work can just knock the inspiration and creativity right out of you, this morning as I was getting myself ready to leave the house I had going through my mind a few ideas for posts I'd like to include on here, nothing spectacular, just a few sketches I wanted to scan in, some articles regarding my obsession with beards, some lyrics that I wrote and a few photos of my collection of figures that I wanted to share. However by the time I got home the majority of my idea's had already faded into a dull haze and what little there was left I'd lost my passion for. So here I am lying in bed, big mug of tea, some gentle tunage playing in the background, trying to grasp the remnants of how I felt and what I was planning this morning in order to at least attempt to make a semi interesting post... Unfortunately I am failing epically at it and this is more or less all I can come up with. Well I shall say goodnight before I get even more disappointed with myself... Sleep well

Jobs, Joblessness And Annoyance.

I had completely forgotten exactly how much I hate trawling job sites, job pages etc. It's one of the few activities that, even when you're actually being fairly productive, feels like you're completely wasting your time. Once you've found those few precious advertisements worth replying too, after hours of searching, you write out your tailored application letters and fill in countless application forms then, full of hope, send them out only to end up with a mass reply that essentially says "thanks but no thanks", that is assuming they even bother to reply to you at all. Quite frankly I find the whole activity completely and utterly depressing, there's nothing more sapping to your confidence than applying for a job you know you could do easily only for that application to be completely ignored, if it is even read at all.  I am starting to feel somewhat saddened and dejected just writting about it, so on that note I shall bid you a good night.

My.....

So my girlfriend tells me I'm the unhappiest man in the world, I'm not convinced it's true, I think I'm just very even mooded. She insists that I always see the worst in everything and everyone, but I say I'm just realistic and I don't like to get my hopes up.

My mother insists that I'm crazy, that I should be on medication. I say medication is for people that are ill, not for people who're happy to accept that things are beyond their control and allow themselves to go with the flow, whether that flow goes with or against to norm. My mother thinks she know's whats best for me, I don't think she even knows who I am so how could she have any concept of what's wrong or right?

People say that I need to "grow up", that a man of 28 shouldn't collect figures and comics or play video games. I think that being my own man, living my own way, having my own house and sharing it all with my partner makes me qualified to judge what's "grown up" and what isn't, not that I really want to "grow up", who actually wants to be an adult if they can help it?

Drivel

Once again it's late at night and once again sleep eludes me, so, as is becoming customary, I turn to the vast facelessness of the internet and to posting my inane drivel on my pointless blogs... Oddly I find that it helps, even though I know that I have a following of only 1 person, that person being myself. I find it a comfort to just be able to say what's on my mind and that, if they care to look, it is available for like minded indivuals to share and hopefully take some pleasure in the sharing of my trivial thoughts and feelings.

I am completely aware that anything I have to say is of no great value. In all honesty almost everything I chose to share actually gives no real insight into the type of person that I am or how I chose to live my life. Now I'm not scared of people knowing me, far from it infact, I just know myself and I know that I am not a person that would ever hold much interest for the general population or, in fact, almost anyone at all. As such I make the choice to share just the barest of information with the world and to share it in places that it will, almost certainly, go unnoticed and not cared about.

I am, the self styled, Dani Grim, I am "The Refined Savage". A man born out of time and out of sync with the world around him. A walking contradiction, entirely uncouth with little concept of social decency or protocal, yet  extremly sensitive, gentle and emotional. A giant of a man to which brute force and physicality comes entirely naturally, yet, would rather spend his time shut away from the world reading one of a vast collection of books, writing or gently strumming his acoustic guitar. I will not understand you and you can not understand me, however, it can't hurt to try... Goodnight

TFIF - Thank Fuck It's Friday

It's almost Friday, thank the gods, it's been a long week and I am glad the weekend is almost upon us. Not that I've got a lot planned for the weekend, and what I do have planned revolves largely around decorating and continuing to get our house in order. We've been in for more or less a month now and things are getting towards where we want them to be, obviously it'll be months, maybe even years, before the house and gardens are exactly how we want them but things like that are always a work in progress. We're hoping to actually move into our bedroom this weekend, we've currently been living in, what will become, the spare room while we get the living and master bedroom cleared out and redecorated. I say 'we' I mostly mean Kelly, I am still only at the house over the weekends due to my job being too far away for me to realistically commute. I am in the process of finding a new job closer to home but unfortunately in the current climate that's something that is easier said than done. Well I don't really have a whole heap to write about on here (see prior work related rants, I really don't feel like rehashing it right now), I just really wanted to leave an update and seeing as it is actually Friday now it seems like a good time to sign off... Night all.

The Woman In Black

Me and my girlfriend didn't do anything on Valentines, mostly due to me being at work. We did, however, decide that we would make Wednesday night our date night. So Wednesday came around and we went out to see a film, after some debate we chose to see The Woman In Black. This film is excellent and by a classic name like Hammer you would expect it to be so, it's well written, well directed and, for the most part, well acted. It's rated 12 so there's no use of modern gore shocks or over the top violence, in fact nearly all the scares come from the general atmosphere of the film, which really pulls you into the story, keeps you focused and then when you're right there "boom" it gets you, it even succeeded in making me jump on several occasions, not an easy feat.

Now don't get me wrong I really enjoyed this film and, as you can see from the previous paragraph, I rate it highly, but it is far from perfect and by far the worst thing in the film is, unfortunately, Daniel Radcliffe. I really wanted to like him, I grew up with Harry Potter and have very fond memories of the films, but in this his acting was just out of place, out of time and, quite frankly, wooden. He was completely unbelievable in this role and right from the start I felt he was out of place and let the film down. He never really did anything wrong, he just stuck out like a sore thumb. My second, and pretty much only other, major gripe with the film is the last 15 minutes or so, it just seemed completely disconnected from the rest of the film and the explanations present throughout the rest of story seemed to be completely lacking in the last final portion. The story wasn't really wrapped up, it wasn't really left open either, it just kind of ran out. I felt as if the ending was just an after thought, rushed almost and after such a refreshing and enjoyable film I came away feeling slightly disappointed.

Unfortunately I have noticed that it is a common issue with recent films, for the last few years it seems that film makers have forgotten that the most important part of the film is the ending. It's the ending that makes a film believable, a good, well written ending will leave the audience feeling convinced of even the most fantastical subject matters and they will leave the film feeling satisfied and with a much deeper appreciation for the story and characters in it. Hopefully this will be a passing trend, speaking of bad endings this is where I am chosing to end my post... goodnight

Home, Sweet Home!

Yesterday was the big day really, everything was finally completed, all the money safely where it should be and we were finally given the keys to our new house. It was great to be in there again, we haven't been in since the viewing before we decided to make an offer, about 4 months ago. It actually felt like coming home, I'm not sure whether that is because its such a lovely little house or because it now our house, either way it's a great feeling.

More or less as soon as we were in we got too work cleaning and stripping wallpaper ready for when we bring our furniture in, we already have a lot donated to us largely by Kelly's parents & brother, all of which we are extremely grateful for.

There's one thing you don't realise about having your own place and thats exactly how much there is and how difficult it is to get set up, we thought we'd done a good job of planning it all out but now we're actually in there's so much we never really thought about. It's not so much the cost thats suprised us, we knew it would be expensive. Thats part of the reason we decided to buy in the first place, those setting up costs are there either way, buy or rent, but with buying you eventually have something to show for it. The thing that has suprised us is the sheer amount of time it takes filling out forms and making phone calls just to get the very basics in place and just to make sure you've covered all your legal bases, it's a nightmare. Thankfully Kelly has dealt with so much of that, for which I am extremly thankful, if I'd have had to do it then most of it would have never happened.

Anyway I could lay here and write on this all day, but that wont get anything done, so I best end it here................

Home Ownership

Well its now coming towards the end of the first day of 2012 and over three months since I last posted on here. This year will both be the greatest and the most terrifying year of my life, it is the year that I, more or less, enter the world of true adulthood and leave my current life of living like a teenager behind me. Don't get me wrong I'm 28 not 18, I've legally been an adult for more than a third of my life already, however this is the year that I settle down, this is the year that I take on one of the biggest responsibilities of my life. Within the next couple of weeks I will become a fully fledged home owner, I am about to become the proud owner of a 2 bed semi detached house and I am about to take on a mortgage for the next 25 years.

This year me and my partner officially become a family, admittedly only a family of 2 but a family all the same. It's a big step for me, one that I've never really taken before, but one that I know will be worth it.

My only real worry is how is she ever going to live with all my toys and books...